How To Lose Friends

Many friendships arise because of how a person feels about themselves when they are around you.  Maybe you make them feel a sense of worth. Maybe you make them feel that they are needed.  Or maybe you make them feel popular because that’s what you are.  It’s how you make them feel that attracts them to you. 

But in any friendship there are disagreements; some which don’t really matter that much and some which are deal-breakers.  Some times there are things about another person that you can’t sweep under the rug. You have to confront it, and in as loving and kind of way as possible. 

All of us have been corrupted by our own sin nature. Fortunately for us, we haven’t all been corrupted in the exact same way.  What I can’t see about myself, other people can.  And the real test of a friendship is whether there is a bridge that is strong enough to bear the weight of truth; especially when a friend confronts me with something really painful to realize about myself.  It will potentially be the fastest way to lose a friend.

It’s very rare for a person who is confronted about their fault to take the confrontation seriously, examine themselves, and admit that the confronting friend is right.  It’s more common to justify it, excuse it, blame someone else for it, or accuse you of being judgmental. Its also very rare for the friendship to continue, and even grow closer, as a result of “speaking the truth in love.” How sad. 

We need to be honest with one another, even when the truth hurts. Anything less than truthful confrontation when it is warranted is not friendship.  It’s just wanting to feel good about ourselves.